Crackpot

It was around 7:30 pm on a summer's eve. The local market was bustling with activity. Rickshaws with women and children, men on their two wheelers honking unnecessarily  and on cycles meandering through the crowd.

Carts with vendors yelling to outdo each other as they tried to woo customers to buy their vegetables, melons and mangoes.

Amongst all of this commotion, bending his knees to rest on a bench by a roadside eatery was Tikoo, the central character of our story.

"Aarrghh" he shrieked jumping instantly in air grabbing his bottom.

The wooden bench that he just sat upon had scorched his behind.

"You should have asked before sitting, I had kept this cooker upon that a while ago" said the cook laughing and pointing to the bench and then at the large cooker on his platform that was still steaming hot.

"Who asks before sitting on a bench of a roadside eatery?" Shouted Tikoo still miffed.

"Well! That's what you get when you don't ask" said the cook still laughing as his hairy belly hanging from under his muddy vest pulsated in tandem with his giggling.

Tikoo was a problem child with a God gift of being at the wrong place at just the right time causing chaos wherever he happened to be.

The intensity of rubbing his butt getting leaner, he slowly walked upto the electronic shop where across the show window on tv, a cricket match between India and England was going on.

"That's a huge 6!" exclaimed the commentator as camera traced the ball hit by Srinath go beyond the boundary line.

"Yay!" shouted the audience outside the store raising both hands in utter excitement, so did Tikoo and in doing so, he landed a punch under the chin of Khuddan, the tall puncture shop owner standing just behind him.

As Khuddan grabbed his chin in agony, Tickoo initiated his escape.

"Stop you moron!" He shouted trying to remove his slipper and aim it with all his might at the fleeing boy.

Tikoo judged the projectile, ducked, lost his balance and ended up banging head first into a vegetable vendor's back who was already leaning forward to place a pumpkin into the bag of a female customer. She had been at his cart for some 5 minutes now, finally closing the deal at 2 rupees cheaper after a humongous bargain.

The vegetable seller swept off his feet, fell upon his stomach on the cart squashing a heap of tomatoes and losing his grip on the huge pumpkin which was briefly airborne before landing upon the right cheek of his customer like a professional boxer's punch.

"Bloody hell" she screamed but before she could come to terms with what had just happened the in-flight slipper from Khuddan, landed upon her left cheek like a knockout punch of the tournament.

The fat lady, in her mid fifties, known for her temper and dreaded by local vendors for her hidious bargaining skills and crude vocabulary lay out cold on the street. She had barely caught a glimpse of the culprit before she passed out..

There was a joyous roar amongst the numerous vegetable vendors as if another six had been hit by Srinath, but it was a cheer which no one ofcourse saw or heard since it transpired within them. Their faces though showed a perfectly empty expression of worry as their interiors erupted in celebration.

Knowing the kind of speech that will ooze once this lady got up, Tikoo and more than him, Khuddan were nowhere to be seen.

Having made it to about 500 meters from the spot in no time, Tikoo slowed down huffing and puffing, he stood looking around, all seemed well. Though he did not see the face of his victim, he could find no angry lady charging at him now.

Tickoo became relaxed, this sprint had made his mouth go dry, "Kulfiwalah" he heard someone shout followed by rythemic ringing of bells that every ice lolly seller in the town made.

"Yumm! Just the thing I need" said Tikoo softly.

"Give me 1" he demanded from the vendor.

"10 rupees" vendor informed.

"Yeah, ok, give me" he replied.

"Here you are" both said in succession as the Kulfi and the payment got exchanged.

Licking his kulfi from all around, he started his journey back home.

No sooner had he entered, he had his right ear in his father's grip, "You fool! I have been sitting here hungry, waiting for you to bring chapatis from the eatery, where are they?"

"Aah" Tickoo yelled in pain,"I can explain"

Before he could, someone entered through the main door.

"Oh! You are back from the market, see what your son has done" informed Tickoo's father angrily, "But you don"t look too well"

"I know" said the lady putting down her bag that had a large pumpkin in it, with cheeks that had started to swell, she turned around, closed the main door and.....●